Dear Dolores: My Wife Is Jealous Of My Friends

Dear Dolores,

I have a wife and I love her, but I also love my friends and sometimes I feel like my wife gets jealous that I love my friends too. I have talked to her before about getting jealous of my friends, but I think she still has those feelings and tries to hide her jealousy. Do you think she will grow out of this?

— Loving Bean

Dear Loving Bean,

Jealousy is a tricky thing. It typically stems from deeply seated issues with things such as trust, commitment, or self esteem. For some people, jealousy is easily cleared up with open and clear communication. For others, it is just one of those feelings they will have to deal with on an ongoing basis, through no particular fault of anyone involved. 

Because it is unreasonable to expect that you would need to choose either your wife or your friends, I would suggest keeping a dialogue open with your wife on this subject. See if the two of you can spot patterns in either of your behavior that lead to feelings of jealousy. It is important for her to feel like she can be honest with you about this without any judgment. If it turns out that there are things that you do that make her feel jealous, it’s important that you are also able to hear that without judgment. The only way conversations like this will work is if you both are able to communicate openly and assume that your partner has the best intentions for the dialogue. 

I think it’s a good sign that you care enough to reach out for advice. Feelings like this aren’t really something that gets “grown out” of or forgotten on its own. There’s a reason behind these emotions, whether rational or not, and understanding where they’re coming from is a big step in self realization. 

— Love, Dolores

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