The Scarlett Letter – Red Flags in Dating

Hello and welcome to The Scarlett Letter! If you are looking for dating and relationship advice, you’ve come to the right place. This column will cover many topics related to successfully dating and being in relationships, from how to communicate effectively to identifying red flags and everything in between. I am always looking for ideas, so feel free to reach out if you have something you’d like to see covered!

Red Flags in Dating

Have you ever gone on a date and felt like something was just off about the other person’s behavior? Or maybe you’re close to starting a committed relationship with someone, but you’re getting a weird vibe that you can’t quite put your finger on.

It’s possible you are picking up on red flags, which can be warning signs or early indicators of ongoing problematic behavior. Sometimes red flags are subtle; other times, they are big, bright, and waving frantically in front of your face.

Over the last few weeks, I have asked the citizens of San Andreas to submit their own experiences with red flags in dating or relationships. Below, you will find a selection of these submissions, hopefully painting a good picture of things to look out for in your dating and relationship ventures.

“I guess some of these are observations of relationships other than my own. But: Men referring to women as ‘females’, not being invited to meet a SO’s friends or family, someone whose exes are ALL ‘crazy’, someone who ‘forgets’ to contact you for long periods of time and only when they need something, anyone who would push clear boundaries you’ve set and communicated, someone trying to impress you right away with a lot of money but no substance, anyone who doesn’t ask a lot of questions about you to get to know you, anyone who won’t talk about themselves so you can get to know them.”

Submitted by Hallelujah Goodwin

“When your partner conveniently has a breakdown when things don’t go their way in the relationship, and pressure you into being there for them no matter how strained things are, you miiiight be dealing with someone manipulative.”

Submitted anonymously

“‘I’m glad I met you. I used to think I was a lesbian but you fixed me.’ Followed by a long rant about how coffee dates are the worst. I am both a huge coffee snob and a transgender man. Oh, and I also have this thing called ‘self respect.’ It’s where someone knows their own value well enough to tell when someone’s full of shit when telling them things like ‘you changed my sexuality.’”

Submitted anonymously

“Hearing ‘You may hear something about me and blank.. don’t worry about it, it’s part of a plan’ then asking about the ‘plan’ and the question being avoided. Never asking how my day is, only complaining about their shit. Never answering texts. Only calling when they need something. Not really wanting to spend quality time together. And no.. band runs [aren’t] considered a date.”

Submitted by Brittiany Grey

“-Forcing you to sit at a singular business for 18 hours a day while they make money
-Getting mad when you want to leave to go make your own money
-Separate Partner but, getting mad when you wander off to follow a kitty and then starts demanding you get in the car
-Talks about marriage early into the relationship
-Unreliable
-Sneaks off to spend time with other girls
-Spends the night at another girls apartment but claims ‘Nothing happened’ and all they did was sleep
-Starts accusing you of cheating on them with someone else
-When you break up with them they start spreading the rumour around that you were cheating on them months before and you fucked multiple other people
-They proceed to stalk you in your new relationship
-Sends you pictures of you & your new partner and is being weird
-Calls you in the middle of the night going ‘Hi, I miss you, I love you. Bye’ before hanging up”

Submitted by “Los Santos Coke Queen”

“Saying ‘I am in love with you’ on the first date”

Submitted by Kitty Mittens

As you can see from these submissions, there can sometimes be behavior patterns that can indicate possible abusive or toxic traits. If you are feeling off about someone, you can try having an open, honest conversation with them about it. If they are unreceptive, try to gaslight you, or become combative, take that as a clear indication that you should end the relationship. The last thing you want to do is ignore these behaviors and allow yourself to be swept up in a vicious cycle of abuse or mistreatment by your partner.

Got a Question? Ask Scarlett!