Connect with us

Satire

McKenzie Horse Appointed Secretariat Of State

Published

on

With voting in full swing and the inauguration of a new government on the horizon, Governor Karmen McKenzie has made one final announcement to cement her legacy. The Executive has adopted a new office into their Branch, filling it with one of their own. The newest McKenzie family horse, Tomorrow’s Regret, has officially been appointed Secretariat of State in the final moments as we race to the end of this term.

Tomorrow’s Regret comes from a long lineage of horses raised at the storied McKenzie Ranch. A departure from most horse breeding, each McKenzie horse is hand-selected and adopted into the lineage, rather than bred for genetic performance. This particular horse was “sired” by the ranch’s oldest stallion, Oliver Twist, the 119th such adoption since he came to the McKenzies. In the “Triple Crown” of adoptions, Tomorrow’s Regret has been designated with three parents, with mare Karmen Sandiego and wild stallion McFrenzie joining Oliver Twist on the paperwork.

As Secretariat of State, Tomorrow’s Regret is expected to oversee all election races moving forward. While some members of the public have questioned the horse’s qualifications, Governor McKenzie released a statement defending the appointment:

With recent constitutional challenges to the legality of our election process, it is paramount that the State of San Andreas bring a thoroughadopted champion in to ensure the integrity of our democracy. There are none more prepared to take on this responsibility than the newest member of my family’s stable.

Governor Karmen McKenzie

This latest development is sure to leave us all bridled with anticipation. Now that the announcement is official, we’ll see how it turns out one way or the other. After all, yesterday’s vote is Tomorrow’s Regret.

Continue Reading
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Latest News

Business23 hours ago

Beeker’s Future Up for Bid: Auction or Outrage? Community Says “Nick’s Our Guy.”

It started with a padlock on the garage door. It ended with one of the most talked-about business decisions Los...

Crime4 weeks ago

ZERO PERMITS: Paleto Mayor’s Office Issues Rare “Please Stop Crucifying People” Reminder

⚠️ WEAZEL NEWS CONTENT WARNING DISCLAIMER ⚠️Note: The following article contains references to religious imagery, public crucifixion, missing footwear, questionable...

Fall 2026 Elections1 month ago

BEACON OF BETRAYAL: Lighthouse Party Removes Muratori And Argues Death Penalty Worse Than Cannibalism, But Only Slightly

The Lighthouse Party, long known for guiding the government through turbulent waters, has found itself at the center of controversy...

Fall 2026 Elections2 months ago

Fall 2026 State Election Registration Closing Soon!

ROCKFORD HILLS, LOS SANTOS (WZL) – San Andreas is ramping up to hold its sixteenth (16th) regular election with the...

Spring 2026 Elections5 months ago

Get Out And Vote! Spring 2026 General Election Polls Open

No matter what your reason is, GO VOTE! (Song by Lulu Moon) Voting has begun! Starting at 2pm (ET) on...

Business5 months ago

The End Is Nigh: Fruit Computers Ending Legacy Contact Backups

ROCKFORD HILLS, LOS SANTOS (WZL) – For those of you who may have been living under a rock, the iFruit...

Crime8 months ago

BOLINGBROKE PENITENTIARY INMATE ESCAPES; U.S. MARSHALS + SA D.O.C ISSUE WANTED NOTICE FOR ANDREW ABRUZZI

SAN ANDREAS — Federal authorities are urgently searching for Andrew Abruzzi, a 35-year-old inmate who escaped Bolingbroke State Penitentiary on...

Business9 months ago

A Growing Dynasty: The Bayview Flats Now Leasing In Paleto Bay

Dynasty Realty has announced the grand opening of the Bayview Flats offering prospective renters an exciting, new opportunity all the...

Government9 months ago

BREAKING NEWS: Pillbox Fire Shuts Down Primary Trauma Center Emergency Room

Yesterday afternoon fire raged through the lower level of Pillbox Hill Medical Center. With extensive damage to the emergency room,...

Government10 months ago

Merge And Serve: Law Enforcement Announces A New Era Of Policing

The Los Santos Police Department, Blaine County Sheriff’s Office, and San Andreas State Police issued a press release announcing the...

Trending