Dear Dolores: Lightning Round

Dear Dolores,

Dear Dolores, Everywhere I turn there is a McKenzie.  I’m getting kinda tired of seeing them and reading about all the adoptions.  Please tell me what I can do before I get forceably adopted.  Thanks!  FML

— FML

Dear Dolores,

I would like to get some feedback i used to be a master adopter but recently i have experienced my skills to be lacking. Do you have any tips for me to reignite that adoption flame?

— Totally Not a McKenzie

Dear Dolores, 

Okay, hear me out on this: My cousin-stepsister is currently dating my uncle-stepfather. They both want to bring in my third cousin twice removed into the relationship and have a threesome going. The issue is, my uncle-stepfather is technically the father of my twice removed cousin, and in addition is the biological father of her current boyfriend. So they’re thinking that might teeter the line of some sweet home Alabama shit. I think it does, but my half-step-brother nephew is a lawyer and insists it’s all okay because they’re all adopted. Speaking of my half-step-brothernephew, he recently confessed his love to me, but he’s already dating my adopted mom AND dad. And my mom is the sister of my uncle-stepfather. Who had a kid with my ex boyfriend. That kid is currently married to my half-stepniece.

I don’t have time for love or time to complicate this family bush any further. How do I advise them that enough is enough?

— Not A McKenzie

Dear FML, Totally Not a McKenzie, and Not A McKenzie

— Love, Dolores

Dear Dolores,

Dear Dolores, why do you answer such soft questions and not challenging ones?  

— Why So Soft

Dear Why So Soft, 

— Love, Dolores

Dear Dolores,

Dear Dolores, are you single?  I think about you alot.   I only eat the bagels named after you, and I may have worn out a pillow or two that have your luscious body on it.

— Happy Humper

Dear Happy Humper,

— Love, Dolores

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