Connect with us


Metapod Feels Better About Evolution After Seeing CNT Turn Into Vanguard



Los Santos, San Andreas – Often considered the worst evolution in Pokémon history, poor Metapod has endured decades of ridicule for reducing itself to shooting silly string from a cocoon. However, a recent interview with the long-bullied bug-type creature revealed they’re feeling rather upbeat of late. The Ferret Files spoke with a dazed, but satisfied Metapod to find out what caused this change in perspective.

The Ferret Files (TFF): There are those who say evolving from Caterpie was the worst mistake you ever made. How have you shielded yourself against these criticisms?

Metapod: Well, I won’t lie and say it hasn’t hurt all these years. Being Caterpie wasn’t too great, and I thought it would be fucking cool to evolve, you know? Like, who wouldn’t want to invite the guy full of silly string to the party? But no, they just laughed at me, and it hasn’t let up for a long time. Still, it’s been a bit better lately. I mean, at least I’m no longer the worst evolution of all time, right?

TFF: What do you mean by that?

Metapod: C’mon, just look at San Andreas Vanguard. They used to be CNT! Sure, CNT was the butt of a lot of jokes, just like I was, but at least they did something, you know? Now thanks to Vanguard, there’s finally someone even less active than I am in this cocoon.

TFF: That’s a great point. People might call you useless, but at least you show up for the job when they call on you. Many a budding Pokémon master has needed you to take a few hits for the team, and that’s something to be proud of.

Metapod: Thanks! It means a lot to hear you say that.

TFF: No problem! Everyone deserves a compliment now and then. So, as the former record-holder for World’s Worst Evolution, what suggestions do you have for the challengers that have now unseated you?

Metapod: My advice? Get ready for the ridicule, it’s just what happens when no one sees the point in your existence. Harden yourself against the criticism, that’s what I do! And, maybe come up with something better than silly string to bring to the party.

The Ferret Files and other satire articles on this site are entirely works of fiction. Such articles a source of parody, satire, and humor and are for entertainment only. All news articles tagged as Satire are works of fiction. Any truth or actual facts contained in news stories or posts with this tag are purely incidental or coincidental and are not intended to be, or be construed as, facts.

Mutiny Editor’s Note: EL OH EL

Continue Reading
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Latest News

Stella's Scoops4 days ago

Stella’s Scoops Volume 72

Congrats Blissful Events! Blissful Events celebrated their 1-Year anniversary with music, vendors, and fun! The decor was absolutely next level,...

Spring 2024 Elections4 days ago

GO VOTE! Vote in the Spring 2024 Election

Voting begins tonight! Starting at 8 pm (ET) on the 26th of May, citizens can cast their vote for who...

Stella's Scoops1 week ago

Stella’s Scoops Volume 71

New Makeup? No, Annie, it’s a cosmetic shop for cars. You can look at it as makeup for cars, but...

Stella's Scoops2 weeks ago

Stella’s Scoops Volume 70

To Bill or Not to Bill… A new bill was submitted this week, which made a lot of people on...

The Exchange3 weeks ago

The Exchange – Episode 8: H.R. 336 w/ State Rep Emilie Lillegard-Marino And State Rep Asst Burton

This is Jack Callow, presenting a special edition of The Exchange. Today we speak with State Representative Emilie Lillegard-Marino and...

Government3 weeks ago

Gang Law Or Bill Flaw? A Closer Look At The H.R. 336 Controversy

Disclaimer: Most information in this article is a result of a public survey created on Monday, the 6th of May...

Ads3 weeks ago

Unleash Your Musical Talent: Join the Battle of the Bands for Education!

RICHMAN, SAN ANDREAS (WZL)—Calling all musicians, bands, and music enthusiasts! Get ready to rock and showcase your skills at the...

Stella's Scoops4 weeks ago

Stella’s Scoops Volume 69

Wow, that’s a lot of Scoops… NICE! Let’s get into it! Got Talent? The Board of Education is inviting all...

Crime4 weeks ago

Major Crimes Division Press Release: La Mesa PD Destroyed

The Major Crimes Division issued a press release in the late evening hours of Saturday night, sharing the news of...

San Andreas Snaps4 weeks ago

April Snaps Are In!

April was filled with earth events, such as National Parks Week and Stoner Daze, to name a few. I asked...