Stella’s Scoops Volume 58

Update: Weazel News made a joke about job government pay and the timing of resigning positions during their terms where we incorrectly listed the Secretary of the Legislature instead of the Secretary of State and did not accurately represent the way government salaries are paid . State Representative Joanna Poole expediently issued a press release less than 36 hours later to set the record straight. In the press release, State Rep Poole, gave the state some much appreciated insight into the operations of the government of San Andreas as well as to clarify an error the Legislature made on H.R. 313.

Weazel News takes the responsibility of accurately reporting information and the news seriously. The joke has been removed as it seems to have fallen flat. We apologize for any confusion this may have caused and hope the Legislature is as diligent about swiftly issuing press releases in the future.

The Secret Is Out…

There’s no secret I know of except that there’s a “secret” in “secretary.” The Secretary of the Legislature made the decision to step down last Sunday by sharing a press release with the press. State Representative Artemis Blackthorne claimed they’re not a good fit for the role since the role should go to someone who can attend most or all of the Legislative Meetings to actually take the notes and not just get them from someone else like if you were to miss a class in school.

Interestingly, this is also the State Representative who proposed a bill, H.R. 309, that would require all State Representatives to attend at least one meeting a month or else be punished. This bill was vetoed three weeks ago. In addition to this, two days before the proposed bill was vetoed, a correction was made to H.R. 313 Government Salary and Pay Schedule Act of 2024, which has since been signed into law, to increase the salary of the Secretary of State to $40,000 per month.

Speaking of Resignation…

This time, it’s the Secretary of State. Could this be a domino effect? On Thursday, Governor Damien Key shared the news of Secretary of State Link Jordins’ resignation, which became effective on January 31st, roughly two weeks prior. I haven’t spoken to Hairline in a hot minute, so I’m not sure what his new chapter holds, but best wishes to the one and only. At the time of writing this, no replacement has been nominated.

Three Strikes and We’re Out…

This ain’t sports, but this is three resignations in a row. Lieutenant Governor Gracie McCoy resigned as of Thursday. Shout News reported this shortly after the press release was issued. This means there’s currently a vacant spot for the Lieutenant Governor position, and the Governor has to nominate someone to be confirmed by the Legislative Branch. We might as well grab some popcorn from the Yellow Jack and wait to see if more resignations are announced. There’s some good news on the government front, but Maxine will share that in an update below.

Freed Before Bolingbroke…

Barry Hill shared the news in a press release probably within hours of the incident. While I wasn’t present in court or watching the live broadcast to understand what all the ruckus was about, I did find the [2024-CM-034] – State of San Andreas v. Joshua Evans docket, which included a list of things Joshua had pleaded guilty to prior to Monday’s trial. The charges he pled guilty to include, but are not limited to, a whole lot of Aggravated Attempted Second Degree Murder charges, another whole lot of Aggravated Attempted First Degree Murder charges, a few dashes of Kidnapping charges, more Aggravated Torture and Mutilation charges than one would like to witness, and a whole lot of sugar and spice. So the fact that he was killed by an armed suspect in the lobby after the trial adjourned for the evening is either karma or his happy ending.

Regardless, the suspect charged with killing the other guy was charged and granted bail, so they’re out and about. Shout News released an article not much later to share that the suspect was Yuri Delvin, an ex-State Representative. To follow-up on the chaos at the courthouse, Chief Justice Kylian Clarkson issued a press release on Tuesday night letting the public know that the judiciary is requesting for metal detectors and security cameras to be installed at the Courthouse to hopefully prevent an incident like this from happening again in the future. You and I can stay tuned for updates on this developing story here at Weazel News.

And now for something slightly different…Maxine!

Stella is out of town, which means it’s time for a hostile takeover by yours truly, Maxine Finch! I’ve spent much of the week sick out of my mind (I blame Los Santos Transit), so while I wasn’t able to go to every planned or spontaneous event, I did end up going and doing several things. While I can’t write about them all without possibly getting a little bit ‘TMI,’ the following few tidbits were the highlights of the last week or so:

Storm’s Coming…

With all the resignations announced this past week we need some good news, right? Well here it is. Audrey Storm has since been nominated for Lt. Governor as of Sunday morning. Storm is a highly qualified individual, having led the Legislative Branch twice in her political prime during what has arguably been some of the most foundational periods for legislation in the State of San Andreas. She’ll be more than equipped to take on anything and everything thrown her way, and I am more than happy to see her nominated.

Everyone’s Favorite Capitalist Holiday, Valentine’s Day!

Let’s fast forward to Valentine’s Day because I can’t recall anything from earlier in the week. My brain only kicked into gear on Wednesday, which conveniently happened to be a holiday. Hurray!

There was a lot going on across the state on Valentine’s Day, so I won’t be detailing every event or sale I participated in. Instead, here are some of my favorite experiences:

Just a hop and a skip – and usually a fall of some kind for me – from Sapphire Falls Vineyard, and you would have stumbled upon the San Andreas State Parks Department’s Valentine’s Day Picnic at Two Hoot Falls. There were a total of four fenced areas, fully stocked with stereotypically romantic party favors: alcohol, chocolates, the whole shebang. It was as pretty as it was impressive. I don’t know the budget for the Parks Department, but they definitely know how to get the party started.

I didn’t partake in anything, but I did end up stumbling upon two San Andreas Fire & Rescue (SAFR) paramedics! Naomi Falk and Darcy Reid were simply checking out the scenery when I approached them and asked if they’d like to be in some pictures; they were more than happy to oblige me. Afterwards, when I asked about what they’re up to, I got a pretty reassuring and kindhearted response from Darcy:

I didn’t spend the holiday with anyone… but I felt warm and loved knowing that SAFR had my back while I was there.

Afterward, I ended up picking up some gifts from Calhoun Convenience and Craft Bars & Eatery. Most of it ended up being food, of which I munched on for the rest of the evening, but some of the gifts were handed off to family or friends I stumbled upon during the day.

Lily Calhoun (Calhoun Convenience’s owner) was selling a “Very Valentine’s” gift box full of crocheted plushies, seasonal flowers, and sweets for $2500. Most are items she typically sells, but the price and the bonus lunch box it came in made it worth the payment. It was a sweet, thoughtful, and affordable arrangement.

Meanwhile, Craft Bar & Eatery focused on more of a ‘candlelit dinner’ arrangement for their box bundle. James Lundquist ended up handing me a bento box full of steak (made exactly to my liking), two choices of drinks, and some scrumptious brownies. It was a lot of food – after all, it had been a couple’s package, heh… whoops – but it was lovely.

The rest of Valentine’s Day was a blur – maybe I ended up drunk? Who knows! Anyway, moving on…

The Day of Ashes, Ash Wednesday

Actually, now that I think about it, I do remember one last thing about Valentine’s Day. Probably around midday Wednesday, I recalled seeing Brother Jeremy Barbant making a tweet about giving out ashes. Confused, thinking someone had died and Barbant was handing them out to grieving family members, I decided to swing by the Stryx Funeral Home and see if everything was ok.

I quickly (and happily) learned about something called  “Ash Day”  as I walked in on Brother Jeremy, who was making his rounds around the chapel. According to Barbant, Ash Wednesday is a day where ashes from last year’s Palm Sunday are placed on people’s foreheads as a way to announce and renew their faith, amongst other things, and to signify the beginning of Lent, or about a 50-46 day countdown to Easter. Since I’m not very familiar with religious practices, I felt very enlightened and honored to have shared a moment with Brother Jeremy. Though, when he offered to smudge ashes on my head, I ended up politely declining. But, if you are looking to prepare for Easter, repentance, and partake in Lent, I’d swing by and speak with Jeremy. He’s more than happy to accept anyone and everyone with open arms.

New and Hot Releases: Lulu Moon, Mykie Romance, and The Certified Lover Boys.

Lulu Moon has released “prove it,” a relaxing R&B Soul song in which Ms. Moon praises an unnamed love interest with several different creative rhymes and unique vocabulary. I particularly liked the line “boy, you holy like anunnaki” for its cultural reference. According to the internet, Anunnaki refers to holy gods… well hot damn! Whoever has the apple of her eye is a lucky man… Imagine being worshiped by THE Lulu Moon.

Meanwhile, Mykie Romance is igniting the flames of romance (heh) with her latest release, “Intentions,” It starts with an introduction that sets the tone with a promising, heartbeat-thumping melody that then transitions into a head-popping beat. Amongst all the lyrics, my favorite has to be “Girl, we started awfully slow, And the faster we go and, the faster we go,” not just for its catchy rhythm but for the vivid imagery it conjured in my mind. And no, I’m not alluding to any innuendo (seriously, guys???); rather, I’m referring to the sensation of plunging headfirst into a new relationship—that exhilarating rush of an unknown chase that sets your heart aflutter and leaves you wanting for more. It’s a wonderful feeling, one I hope everyone can experience at least once.

Lastly, The Certified Lover Boys held a release for their “Hard to Love, Easy to Hate” album earlier this week. While I was unable to attend due to random dizzy spells, I heard it was nothing short of a one-in-a-million experience. There are a total of twelve songs on this album, offering a variety of music genres to choose from. It’s, as they state, their “latest exploration of the intricate dance between love and resentment.” Out of all twelve songs, my favorite has to be “Say My Name.” It somehow reminds me of the early 2000s and feels extremely nostalgic for some reason – I’m no expert on why it does that, but the clapping melody may be the reason. Who knows!

Maxine’s Suggestion of the Week:

In San Andreas, there’s a lot to be mad about: police brutality, high-profile court cases failing or being dropped due to mistrials and dismissals, and a lack of transparency in most government departments, amongst other issues. It can be disheartening to try speaking up and out, but this week, I urge people to use that fundamental First Amendment right and stand up for what they want changed. Too often, people are quick to resort to guns and immediate violence. While there is a necessity for violence at times, it should always start with peaceful protests. Join me and start fighting back in a way that forces the governments to respond! Protest everything, bitches!

Upcoming Events:

• Feb 19th @ 9AM EST: SAMS Doctor Interest Class
• Feb 20th @ 11AM EST: Pillbox Medical Nursing Academy
• Feb 20th @ 2PM EST: SAMS Hiring!
• Feb 20th @ 7PM EST: Piper in Bloom; A Welcome Back Concert
• Feb 20th @ 9PM EST: Pillbox Medical Nursing Academy
• Feb 22nd @ 9PM EST: Addict Support Group
• Feb 23rd @ 6PM EST: SAMS Doctor Interest Class
• Feb 23rd @ 9PM – 12AM EST: The Hub Presents: The Barcade Games
• Feb 23rd @ 11:59PM EST: Food Truck Friday – MARDI GRAS 
• Feb 24th @ 6:30PM EST: KOKORO’s My Last Valentine Event
• Feb 24th @ 9PM EST: Tortuga Marine Conservation Seaside Soiree
• Feb 24th @ 10PM EST: SAMS Doctor Interest Class

Stella’s Recommendation of the Week…

Thank you for all of that, Maxine. I’ll take it again from here.

Do y’all ever change clothes? Or better yet, do y’all even wash your clothes? Some of you are getting stinky out there. Go wash your clothes. If you have a washer and dryer at home, use them. If you don’t, take your dirty clothes and quarters to the laundromat and get it done. I believe in you and your ability to wear something clean for once!

Have a Stella Day and a hardcore night, San Andreas!