Ask Scarlett, Anonymously Hurt

Hello, and welcome to Ask Scarlett! My name, obviously, is Scarlett, and I am here to answer YOUR questions about love, dating, relationships, and more. You can send your questions in the form below, and I will do my best to answer them as quickly as possible. Remember, the more information you can give me, the better advice I can give you! I look forward to helping as many of you as possible.

(Questions may be slightly edited for grammar, proper punctuation, etc., for publishing.)

Question:
I went on a date with someone only to find out at the end that it was a friend’s date. It wouldn’t have come up if they hadn’t asked me if the rumor about me having feelings for them was true. An hour after the date ended, a friend told me that I should feel lucky because they weren’t going to give me a chance because they are straight, but they still went on a date with me to try. What in the world am I supposed to do and feel about this? I don’t think the person realizes what they did because they don’t know that I now know they’re straight. We’re still friends or “friends,” or whatever, and I don’t want to get them out of my life, but I know I’m not feeling okay about this.
-Anonymously Hurt

Dear Anonymously Hurt,

Hello! First, I’m sorry you are dealing with such a confusing situation. It can be difficult to process when you find out you are not on the same page as someone you’re interested in. That is especially true if you are already close with the person as a friend.

Trying to take things to the next level with someone you’re friends with can be tricky. You risk jeopardizing your friendship if it doesn’t work out between you romantically. In this case, it sounds like your friend thought they were doing you a “favor” when they agreed to go on a date with you. They should not have gone on a date if they didn’t intend to pursue a relationship.

As far as feeling “lucky” that they gave you a chance, I do not agree with that sentiment. Whether that is what your friend thinks or not, you shouldn’t be made to feel “lucky” that anyone chooses to spend time with you. Although ultimately, how you feel about the situation is entirely up to you. You stated that you don’t want to lose them in your life. That’s perfectly fine if you feel you can maintain a friendship after all this.

But you may want to have a conversation with them about how they feel about it rather than basing everything on rumors or assumptions. Having open communication is important in any relationship. So my advice would be to have a candid conversation with your friend about what happened and how you both feel about it. Hopefully, this will clear the air and get you back to enjoying your friendship.

XoXo,
Scarlett

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