Dear Dolores, How Do I Get Over My Toxic Ex?

Dear Dolores,
What’s the best way to cope when getting out of a toxic relationship? I know they’re not good for me, but I still miss them.
– Heartbroken Girl

Dear Heartbroken Girl, 
It is a good sign that you are able to recognize that a relationship is toxic. That’s a far cry from many who look for fault in themselves or try to make excuses for their partner’s bad behavior. It is possible to remember the good times you had with your partner while distancing yourself from them. You do not need to villainize them in order to move on and it is perfectly normal to miss them when they’re not in your life as much (or at all) anymore. 

You deserve an intimate relationship that is free from toxicity, abuse, guilt and any other negativity that could manipulate your emotions or behavior. Sometimes it is difficult to believe that, even when you’re hearing it from a loved one or a trusted friend. If you have a history of gravitating towards partners who are the same kind of toxic, it might be worth examining this on your own or with the help of a therapist. 

I’ve always said “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else”, and I honestly do believe that will go a long way toward your ability to move on. That, and keeping some good friends close who you can trust to be honest with you if they see you’re being mistreated in a relationship. 

Love, Dolores

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