Oh, My Stars

Weekly Horoscopes by Caridad Almendros

The sun is moving into Gemini and Mercury is in retrograde… AHHHH what does it mean?  It means you’ll be busy, busy, busy!  So much to do, and so much to organize.  Regardless of your sign be sure to put your planner, calendar, smartphone, or hell, even pen and paper to good use!   And c’mon, Gemini?  Seriously?  Two things… it’s a time for love connections (maybe someone new?) and communication fails… Which could totally mess up your love connection!

For entertainment purposes only!  The writer is not responsible for the stars’ predictions or outcomes, follow the advice at your own discretion.

1. Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

Cap, sooner or later, you will have to realize that not everyone will follow your lead, and you might want to give diplomacy a try since this week will have you flexing those organizational muscles you are so infamous for.   Yes, for once, your never-ending lists and schedules and tight budgets will leave everyone around you impressed.  Bask in it while you can!  Lucky Numbers:  6, 4, 10

2. Aquarius (January 20 to February 18)

I know you like being all cool, calm, and collected (or showing yourself that way, anyway), but this week you are going to have to take a good look at those around you.  Your coolness is not rubbing off on others and cooling down the room, it’s making them nuts!  Roll up your sleeves and join in, or take a vacay.  That James Dean act might work in a less stressful environment.  Lucky Numbers:  42, 5, 2

3.Pisces (February 19 to March 20)

The chaos of this week might have you thinking you can charge in on your white horse and save the day, but this is not the week for solo acts of heroism, it’s time to work with others and communicate.  Maybe collaborate (gasps) by implementing one of Capricorn’s lists?  Lucky Numbers:  3, 9, 17

4. Aries (March 21-April 19)

Aries, you are going to have to seriously put down the dukes and work on talking your way out of trouble this time, or risk losing your job – and no a Molotov cocktail won’t solve your problems.   If you have a significant other he or she will not be impressed by your badassery this week, even if it worked in the past.  Lucky Numbers:  7, 25, 19

5. Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Want, want, want!  Time to check yourself and figure out what you need first, though the cosmos might prioritize that for you this week, keep you too busy to focus on the materialistic frivolities you are craving.  Also this week, the odds are in your favor!  While taking care of those needs you just might run into someone you’ll find utterly (udderly?) irresistible!  Lucky Numbers:  8, 1, 22

6. Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Gemini, the sun’s spotlight shines on you starting this week, but that doesn’t mean that it’s all sunshine and roses!  Keep your eyes on the prize and don’t let yourself get distracted by the shiny things–ask Capricorn for a list or a schedule if you need to.  Lucky Numbers:  13, 9, 6

7. Cancer (June 21-July 22)

This week will give you plenty to crab about:  not enough time, not enough money, not enough room.  Do not fret, the stars are getting ready for your turn in the spotlight, and despite your pessimism things are looking up.  Good time to upsize your living arrangements, trade-in your vehicle for something newer and snazzier, or ditch that stale relationship and find something new!  Lucky Numbers:  10, 75, 69

8. Leo (July 23-August 22)

Send your best suit to the cleaners, or rent a tux, for you should be on everyone’s guest list this week.  Perhaps you should also update and snazz up your resume because you just might have opportunity come a-knocking.  Just keep it a little low-key at first, you can show off your glorious mane once you are in the door.  Lucky Numbers:  17, 32, 8

9. Virgo (August 23-September 22)

I know things must be just so for you, everything in its place and perfectly lined up, so this week might really stress you out.  Set aside some time to take care of yourself, maybe a day at the beach where you can get your fix and spend the day perfectly aligning grains of sand and secretly criticize everyone’s bathing suits or lack of a beach bod–one of them might catch your eye!  Lucky Numbers:  44, 66, 11

10. Libra (September 23-October 22)

No stress for you this week because you know exactly who to call on to delegate work and get things done without lifting a finger, except to spin your long list of contacts and dial their numbers from your lounge chair at the pool  But you’ll need to be mindful for once, check in on your minions to make sure it does, in fact, get done.  Lucky Numbers:  6, 9, 69

11. Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

Unless you are in the bedroom and your partner consents, I would hold off on the whip this week.  You will have to show some restraint (again, outside of the bedroom) and keep your focus on work.  I’d say there’s someone new for you, but there is always someone new, right?  Just be sure to keep your playmates outside of work, unless you want to find a new job.  Lucky Numbers: 13, 70, 8

12. Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

Do your thing, Sagittarius, not that anyone can ever tell you what to do, but your penchant for flying by the seat of your pants and laughing in the face of danger might work out well for you.  Your thrill-seeking antics will catch the eye of someone special, so look sharp!  Lucky Numbers:  58, 4, 12