Dear Dolores: I Don’t Want To Ruin The Friendship

Dear Dolores,

I am a guy who is interested in this woman and I feel this woman is interested in me. However I am worried I am misreading it and dont want to ask her out on a date and ruin the friendship we have going on. What should I do?

— Unsure Single

Dear Unsure Single,

This is a classic dilemma. If you are getting vibes that this woman is interested in you romantically, something must have happened to give you that idea. The best thing you can do is communicate. If she is your friend, you should be able to talk to her about how you feel. 

There is always going to be risk associated with putting your romantic feelings out there for a friend. If you don’t tell her, she won’t know. In my opinion, it’s no good giving hints. This just shifts the guessing game onto the other party. Maybe they’ll play, but maybe they won’t. Best case, she feels the same. Worst case, it goes so horribly wrong that she never speaks to you again. You have control over that last one. 

If you tell her, you have to be okay with her response if the answer is “no”. The worst thing is having a friend admit romantic feelings for you and then taking it poorly when they aren’t returned. That feels like “if I put the time in as friends, I deserve to be rewarded with sex”. I’m sure you’re a lovely person and this doesn’t describe you, I’ve just gone off on a bit of a rant there. 

Basically, your friendship does not have to end if you’ve misread her behavior as romantic interest. It is very possible to talk openly to your friends about your feelings towards them. I hope it works out for you. I think it’s a good sign that you’re concerned about your existing relationship in the face of potential change. 

— Love, Dolores

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