LOS SANTOS (WZ) — In a urgent press release, Mount Zonah Medical Center has announced the following:
|After multiple batch testing, including but not limited to Mass Spectrometer analysis of the Sprunk soft drink, Mount Zonah has found the following: Sprunk is a soft drink that contains no actively dangerous or hazardous chemicals, outside the normal scope of soft drinks. The drink does NOT contain mercury, nor ether.|
We did, however, find traces of mercury in the hospital itself, as well as evidence that tampering may have occurred with the initial sample with the possible intention of creating the exact scenario we saw over the last few days.
This comes after Public Works announced a sponsorship with Sprunk. Concerns were initially raised and some Sprunk Vending machines were vandalized, according to an insider.
Concerning the release above it says that “We did, however, find traces of mercury in the hospital itself,” alleging that the initial panic may have been a result of tampering. We are seeking more information on this.
The release from the Medical Center goes on to say:
|We at Mount Zonah have deemed Sprunk safe to drink, and while it may claim to be the essence of life we will always recommend you limit your caffeine and sugar intake, of which the soft drink contains an above daily recommended amount. Please exercise discretion and do not drink Sprunk to excess. As always we recommend a balanced and healthy diet, of which soft drinks may be a small part. |
Attrib. Lorren Anders, Assistant Chief of Surgery.
Sprunk is a lemon-lime soft drink which is widely consumed across America. Sprunk has come under fire recently for trying to market it’s ‘Sprunk Fuel’ as a health pick-me-up energy drink.
If you know anything about the ongoing Sprunk Mania, please let us know via our Tipline https://tinyurl.com/wztipline
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