On June 19th, 2022, Governor Karmen McKenzie signed Executive Order 018 – Declaration of an Emergency – San Andreas Judiciary Staffing, in response to the lack of judges within the Judiciary. This allowed the State Legislature to swiftly address this issue without delay. Now, almost 5 months later, we met with a member of the San Andreas Judiciary in private to discuss whether or not this was successful. The judge in question requested to remain anonymous, so we shall be referring to them as Span Bighten. We met them in their cubicle within the Judiciary\u2019s offices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Ferret Files (TFF): <\/em><\/strong>Would you say that the Judiciary is adequately staffed now?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Span Bighten: <\/strong>Yeah, I\u2019d say so. We had to cut, like, 75% of our budget to afford my wife\u2019s salary, but it was worth it. (cubicle shifts as someone else stands up in their cubicle) <\/strong>Damn it, Nigel, you have to warn us when you\u2019re gonna stand up so we can brace ourselves!<\/p>\n\n\n\n TFF: <\/em><\/strong>How many judges are there now within the Judiciary?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Van Righten: <\/strong>So many. So many of us. Like, this many. (he holds up three fingers, then four fingers, then two fingers)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n TFF: <\/em><\/strong>Wow, that\u2019s really impressive! Can you list some of them for us?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Can Tighten: <\/strong>Yeah, of course! Yeah, I know my co-workers. Totally. There\u2019s, uh\u2026 My wife! Yes, my wife. And then there\u2019s, uh\u2026 Vector Cartel. He\u2019s great. Then, umm\u2026 Nigel\u2026 Something or other, I don\u2019t know, he just shows up sometimes out of the blue. Then there\u2019s, of course, Jared Van Man-I-Wanna-Tussle. I think he might be an urban legend, though – I\u2019ve never met him. <\/p>\n\n\n\n TFF: <\/em><\/strong>Of course, who could forget him?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Jan Wighten: <\/strong>Right. Then there\u2019s\u2026 Oh, right! The new guy, Nick Cannon. I think. We\u2019ve also got my boo thang, Elfie. And I can’t forget the bossman, Johnny Macklemore. And I guess we have that Lucas guy, I don\u2019t know. We\u2019re clearly so staffed, nothing\u2019s wrong here! (crying is heard from another cubicle) <\/strong>Ignore that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n After exiting the asbestos-brick building where their offices are located, I was convinced. The Judiciary has never been in a better place. There is no reason to be concerned!<\/p>\n\n\n\n The Ferret Files and other satire articles on this site are entirely works of fiction. Such articles are a source of parody, satire, and humor and are for entertainment only. All news articles tagged as Satire are works of fiction. Any truth or actual facts contained in news stories or posts with this tag are purely incidental or coincidental and are not intended to be, or be construed as, facts.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" On June 19th, 2022, Governor Karmen McKenzie signed Executive Order 018 – Declaration of an Emergency – San Andreas Judiciary Staffing, in response to the lack of judges within the Judiciary. This allowed the State Legislature to swiftly address this issue without delay. Now, almost 5 months later, we met with a member of the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":899,"featured_media":7275,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[185],"tags":[3,186],"ppma_author":[272],"class_list":["post-7273","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-satire","tag-featured","tag-the-ferret-files"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Judiciary-Satire.png","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"authors":[{"term_id":272,"user_id":899,"is_guest":0,"slug":"ferretfiles","display_name":"The Ferret Files","avatar_url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/eeeb3f959c1dcad247038e46adc7a7079a6f89ea9d4ebee1f89dd32f55c54ccf?s=96&d=wp_user_avatar&r=g","1":"","2":"","3":"","4":"","5":"","6":"","7":"","8":""}],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7273","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/899"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7273"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7273\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7306,"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7273\/revisions\/7306"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7275"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7273"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7273"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7273"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/ppma_author?post=7273"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}