First of all, my name is literally Karly. Not Dolores. Wtf. Stop getting your hot women mixed up. Anyways, the Alamo Sea? Easy. It\u2019s because the Army of the Mid is right next to it in Sandy Shores, and we all know they\u2019re the source of half the salt in San Andreas. Next question.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Dear –<\/strong> The Fact that I\u2019m From Alabama is a Coincidence<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Dr. Kristina Kane, M.D. | Psychiatrist | Supervisor at Parsons Rehabilitation Center | Available for counseling sessions | Available for Walk-Ins and Appointments | Please text 8390627712 for more information<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Dear – Sad Clown<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Because you\u2019re fucking creepy and clowns kill people. Next question.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Dear – That Mafia Guy<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Honestly all you have to do is come up with a gimmick, like a weird hat, and go hang out in public places. Pretty sure there\u2019ll be like, a bidding war between the gangs for you.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Dear – Felix Aline<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Dear Oh my god, who the hell cares, just wear your shorts and exist. You already said you\u2019re gonna wear them either way, so you do you, boo. (Disclaimer: You are not my boo)<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Dear – Fin-Struck Lover<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Okay first off, what the actual fuck. When the shark bitch from Finding Nemo said \u201cfish are friends, not food\u201d, I know for a fucking FACT that this is NOT what he meant. That character \u2018the Deep\u2019 from that show the Boys is NOT meant to be seen as a role model. I know these streets are cold, and women are hard to find – You\u2019re welcome for that, I\u2019ve been with most of them and they realized women are better – But there ain\u2019t no way in HELL that turning to a goddamn fish is your only option.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Okay, I think that\u2019s a good amount of submissions for my first go at this. Maybe it\u2019ll impress Dolores enough that she\u2019ll finally notice me. Wait fuck oh shit oh fuck Mickey is back from Rhode Island early, fuck post post post post post-<\/p>\n\n\n\n Love, Karly<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Hi. My name is Karly. Karly Stark. You might be wondering – Who the hell gave that girl her own column on the Weazel News website? The answer to that question is very simple: Nobody. I snuck into Mickey\u2019s office to write this while he\u2019s in Rhode Island or something. It seemed like Dolores needed […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":906,"featured_media":5754,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[185],"tags":[202,3],"ppma_author":[278],"class_list":["post-5752","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-satire","tag-dear-karly","tag-featured"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/Dear_Karly2.png","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"authors":[{"term_id":278,"user_id":906,"is_guest":0,"slug":"karlystark","display_name":"Karly Stark","avatar_url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/9208633b442986e258a1721c5f91403113b8feba2c7f11f892e52ff1fc28ab10?s=96&d=wp_user_avatar&r=g","1":"","2":"","3":"","4":"","5":"","6":"","7":"","8":""}],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5752","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/906"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5752"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5752\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5777,"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5752\/revisions\/5777"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5754"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5752"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5752"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5752"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/weazel-news.online\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/ppma_author?post=5752"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Dolores <\/s>Karly,
I’ve been seeing someone for the last year and I want to propose, the problem is she’s my Ex’s mother. What do I do?<\/p>\n\n\n\nDolores <\/s>Karly,
Why do people hurt clowns? We just want people to smile, but they hurt us instead of smiles. I can’t take much more mean people<\/p>\n\n\n\nDolores <\/s>Karly,
How do I get into organised crime?<\/p>\n\n\n\nDolores <\/s>Karly,
I always felt a strong affinity with cats and indeed have desired to become a cat for many years, so I have been thinking of selling my house and moving in with a stranger I met on craigslist to become their live in cat but my parents are worried. What do you think? <\/p>\n\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/c.tenor.com\/mZZoOtDcouoAAAAC\/stop-it-get-some-help.gif\")
Dolores <\/s>Karly,
Are my shorts too short ? or can i go shorter as a british man on holiday its my right to wear em and if you dont like it tough
– Short Shorts<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\nDolores <\/s>Karly,
I’ve been fishing nonstop for the last week, and I keep coming back to the same spot in the Alamo Sea. At first, I thought it was because there was a fish that kept escaping me that I wanted to catch, but then I realized it was something more. This wily, slippery, gorgeous specimen of a fish is more than just a future meal – I think I’m in love. What do I do?<\/p>\n\n\n\n