Los Santos, San Andreas – In a leaked prototype advertisement, Go Postal appears set to reaffirm its commitment to Instant Delivery™, its flagship service. With Instant Delivery™, Go Postal guarantees every package delivered within five minutes of it being dispatched from their Vinewood Depot. This service is available throughout San Andreas; no matter the distance, packages will arrive on time or the driver is fired on the spot! The Ferret Files caught up with company officials to receive an official statement on the leaked ad:
“We strive to ensure our deliveries are the fastest in the industry. Go Postal’s unique approach to ignoring all traffic laws ensures your package will arrive before you’re even notified that it’s been sent! To coincide with our upcoming ad, we’re also releasing a brand new mission statement to guide the trek each package will take to get to our customers. We believe this reflects our commitment to explore strange new neighborhoods, to seek out new routes and new destinations: To Quickly Go Where No Package Has Gone Before™”
Go Postal Press Liaison
While they still don’t offer any form of damage liability, this new advertising campaign offers a closer look at the company’s greatest strength: speed. It’s clear Go Postal intends to leave no corner uncut, no window un-smashed, and no package undelivered. So, when you see drivers ramming their vans into cars, buildings, and even people, just remember; they’re doing it for YOU (and to not get fired). Go Postal Instant Delivery™, available immediately.
William Benning
June 15, 2022 at 4:48 am
GoPostal Xtreme is not responsible for lost packages and vehicle or property damage. People should be more worried about the cheap steel and aluminum used to construct light poles. They are the REAL hazard in the city